I'm tired

Rarely does a day pass without my body feeling pain. Those closest to me know well how often I complain, "tired", "ouch, it hurts".

My legs are extremely sore after leg day. My lower back hurts for several days because I forgot to lock my hips during deadlifts. Waking up in the middle of the night because my forearm is taking revenge after being tortured. Waking up in the morning grimacing in pain after chest day. And other pains.

But I deliberately hurt myself. With full awareness. Without being forced by anyone. Why? Let's talk for a moment.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

This quote landed its punch right on my face. The owner of these words is Haruki Murakami, in full.

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Say you're running and you think, 'Man, this hurts, I can't take it anymore. The 'hurt' part is an unavoidable reality, but whether or not you can stand anymore is up to the runner himself."

In life, there is a lot of pain and suffering that cannot be avoided. Trying to avoid pain is foolishness, because it is unavoidable.

The question then changes, when we sit in the seat of pain, it's not about, "Does this hurt or not?", but, "Will I give up or not?"

And I choose not to stop, just because I'm tired. I will stop when something is not for me.

Embracing the pain

The next stage, after acceptance, is embracing the pain.

It becomes the most loyal friend.

When situations turn bad, friendships built on pleasure will crumble. What remains is only the self that has been friends with pain all along. The only one that will endure.

You're tired? Great, get to work

You're heartbroken? Great, get to work

Because if you can show up to work every single day despite of what you're going through, you're going to develop an unstoppable version of yourself. So when real hard times comes, not just people's opinions, but real hard times, you will not only be ready for it, but you will dominate those hard times, you'll make it look easy, people will look at you and be like, what are you?, and you're gonna respond by saying, I'm just that person that was willing to work a little bit harder than you.

– Miguel Mendoza

I'm alone

Lastly, as the only male in my family.

If we're in the same position, or more or less the same, then you know exactly how it feels.

There's no one to hope for, to lean on, except yourself. :)

I work hard because. I can't f*ck up. I am the backup. I don't got nobody to fall on.

When I want to achieve something, I no longer hope for a miracle to come. There are only two choices.

Chase it with my own sweat. Or not at all.

The end.

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Completed on Sunday, October 7, 2023 at 20:05 in Pelaihari.